Letting Go

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring; It means I can't do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off... It's the realization that I can't control another... To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To let go is not to try and change or blame another, I can only change myself. To let go is not to care for, but to care about. To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes. To let go is not to be protective, It is to permit another to face reality. To let go is not to deny, but to accept. To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment. To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be. To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To let go is to fear less and love more.

Regaining the Sense of Newness

As human beings, we tend to waste our consciousness by living outside the present. In the run of the day, our thoughts are so often fixed upon either the past or the future, that the mind registers only a minimal amount of what is taking place in the 'now'. As a result of this tendency to function on autopilot, much of the wonder and beauty of life passes us by unnoticed. When we take the bus, for instance, we are more likely to spend the trip thinking about our destination than appreciating the passing scenery, even though we are gazing out the window. And how often do we find ourselves replaying the events of the day at the dinner table, mulling over 'what-ifs' and 'should-have-saids' as we chew and swallow our food absent mindedly? In fact, most of us are so intent on looking either forward or backward at life that we go through much of it as if in a dream, with a limited awareness of present reality.

When we were children we experienced life to the fullest. Providing our needs were met, we had little reason to concern ourselves overmuch with the past or worry about our future, and we experienced the fresh edge of wonder at each new discovery of our world. We existed in the present. As we grow into adults, however, that feeling of awe diminishes because we become caught up in the effort of survival and the demands of time. We spend at least eight hours of every day at some form of employment. When we are not thus employed, we must concern ourselves with other necessities-after-hour appointments, social commitments, the demands of children and spouses-and we increasingly engage the autopilot, which allows us to physically function while we mentally jump ahead to the next task. After a while, this becomes a habitual mode of existence, and our awareness of the world around us narrows because we are rarely fully present in the moment. In effect, we begin to function like sleep walkers in our waking life.

How do we break free from this habitual mode of functioning? How do we regain that sense of newness that will expand our minds and awaken us from the dream? We do it with intent. That is, we must exercise the full power of our human will to become mindful of every action that we undertake. We must constantly remind ourselves to pay close attention to our actions-to relish the sensation of chewing and tasting our food, for example, to feel our hands on the steering wheel and revel in the synchronistic movements of changing gears. Even the simplest gesture-smiling, shaking hands, looking at our watches-must be undertaken with the mind fully focused on the task if we are to awaken to our own existence in the now. This is no mean feat. The habit of living in the past and/or jumping into the future inside our own heads is a difficult one to break. Once we have allowed the consciousness to fall into a state of disuse, it requires a good deal of effort to regain its focus, but the will becomes stronger the more it is utilized, and if we persevere, the rewards will be well worth the effort as our consciousness expands.

EMCC in Prague 4-6 December

The European Mentoring and Coaching Council - of which I am a member - is having its annual conference this year in Prague and I will be attending. Is anyone going or do you know of anyone that is going that might be useful to meet?

This organisation especially interests me because its brings coaching and mentoring together and some of the gurus of mentoring (Clutterbuck, Megginson etc.) will be in Prague.